I’ve spent years of my life trying to find out not just the difference between good guys and bad, but good people and bad. I don’t think it is that simple. There is no black and white, no particular deed that makes an earth-shattering difference.
I think it comes down to the way people make you feel. It’s the little things that show you are cared for, protected, valued and loved. Those are the people we stay with and make the difference between smiles and tears.
Last week, I was washing clothes and ran into one of the guys that runs in a circle of friends. I was putting my clothes in the dryer and he was washing a mattress cover and pad. I was complimenting him for his attention to detail and he started telling me that he was going to Kentucky to pick up a girl that he had been seeing for a while and she was going to stay with him for a few months while her kids were at their dad’s house. He said she was a nice girl from a small town and asked if they could stop by state signs so she could have her picture taken in each of the states. In addition, she asked if she could stop and get a Georgia peach on the way. He admitted he never would have even thought of something simple like that meaning so much. He has traveled the world with the military and doesn’t think twice about crossing a few state lines.
Yesterday, we were all sitting around at a little corner bar and she is there and just as cute as she could be. He is playing cornhole but he certainly keeps an eye on her seeing to her needs. One of my friends was talking about getting a pedicure and he suggested she go and make a girl’s day of it. She was so excited for a little pampering it was getting a gift Christmas morning. About an hour later he walks up to me and my friend and asks us for a favor. Would we take her shopping? Now, personally I hate to shop and avoid it at all costs. If I cannot find it online, then it has to be a desperate situation for me to walk into a store. My friend is the opposite; she lives to shop! He said she came with one bag and she needs more clothes and things that appropriate for this climate. I can certainly understand that, between the heat and humidity everything I brought when I moved here there were only a few things that were comfortable so I certainly understand her needing some things. What was so profound was that HE understood that and was taking care of her.
This is a man who worth keeping! Not because he is willing to spend a little money, but because he is thinking of her and what would make her happy.
Most women that I know and have talked with throughout the years, we don’t care about having a big fancy ring, it’s always about the little things, it’s how you make us feel.
If you want a woman in your life, don’t leave the quilt on your bed that your ex girlfriend gave you and make her sleep under it. It doesn’t matter how pretty it is, you need to understand that she will feel that she is second best in your life every single day. If she takes a photo of you that she wants to put it out because it reminds her of a very special day, don’t tell her you hate it. Especially when you have a photo that your ex took prominently displayed on your bookcase. If you plan a vacation, try to make it someplace special and not the same place you have taken every other woman you’ve been with. If you think we can’t figure it out, look on your bookcase and notice the books with photos the ex gave you as gift to remember those special trips with you, or the calendar marked with your special anniversary. If you see them there, trust me we will have noticed them too.
Let’s face it, anyone over 40 has some relationship history. This isn’t about jealousy, drop your ego for a minute and think about it. It’s not about who you were with or what you did. It’s about how you make the person you are with right now feel. Do you tell the ex when she calls that you are dating something (when you’ve actually been living with the new woman for close to a year), the one sitting there when you take the call and say hear her say “Hey baby” and “I love you”…
One more thing, if someone is being rude to the person you are with. If you stand there and let it happen without saying anything, that sends a very strong message. “You aren’t worth fighting for.”
That is the difference between having someone you are with stay or go.